Second and Third Paper Reflections

           My experience with my third and last paper was a lot different from my second paper because my last essay was a lot easier to explain my ideas in proper sentence structures. This is because I had a better understanding of writing structures and I did a lot of research and organizing before starting my essay. I also noticed that my third paper had more details and background information for the audience to have a better understanding of my topic. The more information you can give to the reader without overloading them with fact after fact, the better chance you have at grasping their attention and interest. Lastly, I had a stronger stance in my topic in my third essay, and because I familiarized myself with more information about my last topic, the more intrigued and enjoyable it was to write. 

Taking Stock Analysis Questions

Taking stock:

1.) the way I analyzed my paper was through my own personal stance on my topic, which is that Americans are becoming too dependent on technology. I then backed up my personal stance with credible authors. I also used many counter arguments, and then backed those up with information that is helpful to my position. The most helpful method I used was the drafting and charting in the beginning, so I have a more clear understanding and outline of my paper to work with. 

2.) When I first started to draft my essay, I began with researching hot controversial topics to have a better understanding of a topic that I was interested in. Once I found my topic, I began to do research and divide my paper into different sub section outlines. The sub sections consisted of technology effecting our social, physical, and mental health, and it is affecting our societal progress. 

3.) I wrote my essay in a very neat way that is easy for my audience to read it. One thing that I could have done to improve my essay so it would be easier for my reader, was if I incorporated more background information and put a few visuals in for effect. That would have made it stand out more. 

4.) Yes, I provided sufficient evidence in my essay many times. Every statement that I made involving America as a whole, I would use a statistic or background information to back up my reasoning. 

5.) What I thought I did well on was the way I organized my essay and the way it flows. It all connects together in the way it's intended. 

6.) Something that could still be improved in my essay would be the conclusion. It sounds a little choppy and doesn't tie my whole essay together. 

7.) No, I did not use any visuals, although I should have to have had a greater effect on showing how different our world looks today because of technology compared to 50 years ago. I do not believe I could express pictures in few enough words for this essay, so pictures would be a better way to go. Especially because it leaves a little imagination and thinking for the reader. 

8.) My peers reading responses influences my writing quite substantially. I like the idea of having our peers read our essays so we can have feedback from a whole new perspective and it's beneficial to the analyst because they got extra practice put in. 

9.) If I could do anything different next time, I would try to find more deep and complex ideas to try to persuade my reader on a more global scale, instead of community and state based. 

10.) I am very pleased with my analysis. I put in the research needed and organized my words and ideas in a way that is easy for the audience to read. I also backed up my ideas with credible sources. 

11.) a transferable skill I can and will take along with me is to do solid research and organizing before starting your a paper. If you did that, your paper will be 200 times easier to write. 

Peer Analyzing for 3rd Paper

 

       1.      Her main point is that pageants change girls to sweet little innocent girls to pageant divas. Her claim is clear. Toddlers in Tiaras Pageantry changes a mothers and sometimes fathers goal of having a sweet daughter, to who can be the biggest diva and take home money, trophies, and bragging rights.

2.      She makes an argument in an article by Lucia Grosaru that says it’s not the kid’s choice to do the beauty pageants, but it’s the mothers who sign their kids up. She gives the evidence from a quote from a psychiatrist who’s studied what beauty queens life styles are like.

3.      Her paper is evenly written. She has made a co9unterargument that states that this is a common thing that people (especially in the south) have been doing for generations, and that they are just “passing the torch on” to their daughters. She then argues back saying this is just turning young kids into something fake with fake hair, teeth, and makeup.

4.      Another authority /source that she used in her essay was from Jessica Bennett. She is a author for Newsweek and she states that the mothers are teaching their young daughters how to strut and swagger and flip their hair and pout their lips. They are teaching their kids that it’s all about beauty, money and winning.

5.      The author and I have the same ideas in a sense. As someone who has done pageants before, I believe there is a lot of good that comes out of them. However, scholarship pageants are very different from beauty pageants.

3rd Paper Second Draft (Peer Edit)

           

            We live in a high-tech world. People today use technology for almost everything. Your alarm clock wakes you up; you start a pot of Keurig coffee and turn on the T.V.  Currently, we more often than not rely on technology for those simple life tasks such as these. People also use technology to keep up with the news, to keep in communication with others, for educational purposes, to schedule their day accordingly, and the list just keeps on going. There is a problem though since we use mass amounts of technology consistently on a daily basis, we are now starting to become too dependent on technology to live and manage our everyday lives it is starting to affect our overall health. According to Nielsen’s Total Audience Report, “Americans aged 18 and older spend more that 11 hours a day using electronic devices." Due to people relying too much on technology, there are both physical and mental health issues that cause a detriment to people.” We’re starting to let technology run our lives.

            People’s dependency of technology has numerous negative physical effects. With more use of technology, people are starting spend more time using electronic devices and technology than being active outside. This is causing an increase in obesity. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention states, “The percentage of children aged 6-11 years in the United States who were obese increased from 7% in 1980 to nearly 18% in 2012. Similarly, the percentage of adolescents aged 12-19 years who were obese increased from 5% to nearly 21% over the same period”. As technology continues to advance, so does the population of obese people. In this article, Obesity Rates & Trends Overview by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, they indicate that obesity rates have more than double in the last 35 years and that the average American is more than 24 pounds heavier today than in 1960.

 

            As society starts to become more and more dependent on technology, this generation of adolescents have grown up always having technology around them to be dependent on. This causes this generation of kids to become addicted to technology and start to use it excessively. The excessive use of technology causes many negative mental conditions. Overuse of technology can change a child’s brain. An article in Psychology Today states that the use of technology can alter the wiring of the brain. However, people may argue that adults today do not have any harsh long-term effects from becoming dependent on technology, this current generation of children and teenagers are the first generation of a community that has been born and raised by technology. A summary of an article in Psychology Today, they stated that more than a third of children under the age of two use some form of mobile media. According to a report from Common Sense Media released a specific study that found 38% of kids under the age of two have used tablets or smart phones. The usage of mobile media only grows with the child’s age, with 97% of teens spending 12-17 hours online. Technology trains the brain to pay attention to multiple stimuli, which leads to distraction or decreased memory. Technology also can affect a child’s brain by affecting their ability to empathize, which can also affect the general public by having unsafe and non-proper functioning people in society. A study was conducted and later published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior. They took two groups of 6^th graders, one was sent to Pali Institute- an outdoor education camp with no electronic devices, for the second group, their life was normal as usual to simulate the control group. Researchers found that kids who went to camp without any electronics scored significantly higher to reading facial emotions or non-verbal clues.

            People can argue that technology has made the economy better and safer. Small businesses can now used advanced internet marketing tools for a small budget in order to compete with big companies. However, technology has put our privacy and safety at risk. Today, children who are using technology are way younger than they have been before and therefore they typically do not know what information is safe to share online and what is not. According to Enough-Is-Enough, 82% of online sex crimes against children, the sex offenders have used technology and social media to get information about their victim. The overdependence of technology has lead to an increase in online bullying. This is because technology is often not face-to-face; it is easier for the bully to attack someone online than in person. Statistics from NVEEE (National Voice for Equality Education and Enlightenment) explains that “One million children were harassed, threatened, or subjected to other forms of cyber bullying on Facebook in 2011”.

            People have pointed out that we use technology for communication. I agree that technology has its positive affects, such as being able to communicate with family or friends or to stay updated with current events. But us as people need to understand when it’s going too far. When we start becoming too dependant on technology, we become isolated. It is easy to be tempted to isolate yourself from others, especially when technology is causing an illusion that you are communicating with people on sites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, when you’re really not. In an article by Sheri Hosale in RooGirl Magazine website, Sheri Hosale states, “Technology creates the perfect recipe for depression with lack of human contact, overeating and lack of exercise. There is a reason the use of antidepressants are on the rise and the blame can’t be completely dumped on the pharmaceutical companies.”

            Technology has advanced us as a race and will continue to do so. However, it is our responsibility to not abuse technology to the point where we are unable to function without it.  According to Bruce D. Perry, MD, PhD, senior fellow of CMTAS Initiative, “Modern technologies are very powerful because they rely on one of the most powerful genetic biases [us] have- the preference for visual presented information”. In his book, How Nurture Becomes Nature: The Influence of Social Structures on the Development of the Brain and Maltreated Children, Perry tells us, “Children need real-life experiences with real people to truly benefit from available technologies. Technologies should be used to enhance curriculum and experiences”. We need to learn and actively participate in social functions and outdoor physical activity. This would not only start to diminish our obesity rate but would insure that children would not be on devices as much, which will improve their mental health.  Lastly, we need to properly educate everyone on the proper and safe way to use technology. If people can use technology sparingly and properly, that would decrease the unsafe affects of technology. It’s all about being knowledgeable and aware of how you are using technology.

Rhetorical Situations Writing

This week I have done many forms of writing. My writing have consisted of Facebook status', tweets, homework assignments, text messages, a debriefing letter, journaling, and organizing my speech into bullet points for the Miss West Sound pageant. Although all of these situations the three most different examples from each other would be my debriefing letter, homework assignments and tweets.

Analyzing An Argument

1.      1. His claim is clear. Advances in technology-specifically photo shop- is starting to cause a problem.

I do not see any clear thesis. Maybe “Transformations to models on magazines are now so unobtainable it can cause more harm than good both physically and mentally.”

2.      He makes many arguments such as extreme overuse of photo shop to people on magazines, and in his personal survey, 10/10 people thought Photo Shop was being extremely overused. Evidence that he uses to back up his reasoning is he restated what Alice Chen said, the use of Photoshop is so advanced and goes through so many editors, and it can alter every single part of the body. He also mentioned a quote from Ph. D, Vivian Diller as she explained how unrealistic body images can lead to adolescents having eating disorders.

2. Yes, I believe that his reasons are plausible because he gives his own ideas and stances on his topic, but then backs it up with facts and statistics from trustworthy people.

3.      His essay not only shows his own stance on the argument, but he includes two counterarguments too. His first counterargument was if we eliminate Photoshop, it would put people out of jobs. He then argued back that there would be a surplus of jobs in the same area in makeup design and photography that would make up for the job loss of Photoshop. The last counterargument that he makes is that it could put the businesses selling the products out of business because the ad does not enhance the product. He again argues back that people have always altered photos, but in a more natural way by using lighting and angles and image altering. We can still make the products stand out without over-doing-it with Photoshop.

3. I believe that he argued the counterarguments very well and gave very good and valid points to the counterarguments.

4.      In his essay he uses many authorities and sources. He first surveyed 10 of his closest friends and family members and asked them a survey. This source is not very credible considering he individually picked whom he was surveying. He also used Vivian Diller as a source. She has a Ph. D and wrote an article for the American Medical Association. This source is very credible and unbiased because she is referring to strictly medical reasoning’s to things. Lastly, he has Alice Chen as a source. She is also an author for her HerCampus website. This source seems credible enough and is pretty current.

5.    4.   The author addresses me as the reader in a way that he provides as much detail about the topic as he needs to in order for us to understand his topic clearly. He uses easy language for all audiences to understand. I believe the author and I have the same beliefs when it comes to technology. We both think that in today’s society, we are becoming too dependent on technology and have started to abuse it. 

Positive and Negitive of English 101

My experience with my third and last paper was a lot different from my second paper because my last essay was a lot easier to explain my ideas in proper sentence structures. I also noticed that my third paper had more details and background information for the audience to have a better understanding of my topic. 

This class worked well for me for multiple reasons. First of all, the class was a mix of independent work and group work. I like this because you are able to collaborate with others about ideas, but still holding your weight. I also enjoyed the Google blogs we did, and how we could connect with other students through Google blogger. It was also a lot easier to share group information that way. However, there are some things that did not work well fore in this class. I felt like there was not enough clarification on the homework and essays. If there could be a better outline or directions, I believe it would be a lot easier to understand exactly what is being asked. Secondly, I would of liked to review more of our Google blogs with our peers. Lastly, if students are working diligently and class was started late and students choose to stay and finish their work, they should get credit for the work they did that day.